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It is now 4:46 a.m. and after rolling around in bed for I don’t know how long now, I decided to roll
out of bed and start the blog for today.
Normally, I would say it is my back pain that is causing my insomnia, but I might actually give you
some credit for my inability to sleep today. Today is the day we get to pick you up at the SWS
office. Our appointment is at 1:00 and we assume we will be back in the hotel by 3:00 and 100%
responsible for you from that point forward. WOW! That commitment still weighs heavy on me.
Someone trust me to be responsible for the well being of another human being. Makes me wonder if
they know who I am. I assume these worries are normal. I vaguely remember them with Sammy and
I think I would be more worried if I wasn’t concerned so I hope I’m doing something right.
We’re back! And, I must say, the transition was as moving the second time around as it was the
first. I thought I had prepared myself mentally this time reminding myself that the foster mother
would probably cry and that I should expect tears from Lauren. But, no matter how much you tell
yourself it is going to be emotional, to try to avoid being emotional myself, that moment when the
foster mother hands the baby over to the adoptive mother is just heart wrenching.
We spent ~45 minutes with the foster mother and the social worker and the foster mother was
very possessive of Ellie - in a good way, but it was very obvious. We didn’t even have the opportunity
(nor were we offered the opportunity) to hold Ellie until it was time for us to leave. And please
understand, we aren’t complaining. We are simply trying to explain the emotions involved with this
process and that is why we love the Korean adoption program so much. Make no mistake - we assume
these foster mothers are paid for their service, but it is much, much more than just a job for them.
It is obvious that they become very attached and bonded with these babies and they provide a very
loving, mother/child relationship for these babies at a very important time in their young lives. How
they do this over and over again just amazes me. I can only assume they recognize the opportunity
that this process provides the baby and that the fact that they are such big people from very
meager backgrounds renews my hope in this old world.
There was one big difference in Ellie’s process though. When we adopted Sammy, he was 4.5 months
old. The foster mother took it hard, but Sammy really seemed kind of oblivious s long as we fed him.
Ellie can say oma (Mom) and opa (dad). As we were driving away in the cab, she started to get upset
and started saying oma, oma. I cannot describe the guilt that consumed me with that one little
word. The fact that we are taking this little baby away from the only mother she has ever known is
one of the worst feelings I’ve ever experienced. That is one of those moments where 30 years
from now, I’ll think of it and it will tear me apart as much as it did the first time I heard it.
Ellie fell asleep on the taxi ride home and has actually been pretty good once we returned to the
hotel. She is laughing and seems happy and we were hoping the transition would be easy given her
good temperament thus far. But as I’m writing this, Lauren is trying to put her down for bed and
she is crying again for her oma, over and over again - oma. How do you console a 8 month old baby
that is crying for her mother when you are responsible for separating them? I don’t think there is
an easy answer for that one and man, do I feel like the biggest jerk in the world right now.
With that said, I’m done. I wish we could post pictures because she's pretty darn cute.
Wish us a safe and quick return flight home. We'll try to post again tomorrow, but more than likely
it will probably be a few days.
Until then...xoxox
Kevin, Lauren and Ellie
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